Grow and Glow: Arden Mathieson
Arden’s Journey with Finding Herself
June is Pride Month, a celebration to honor the 1969 Stonewall riots and the history of the LGBTQIA2S+ community. Pride started as a protest and was developed as a response to the historic shame and social stigma this community has faced, as well as an intersectional support for marginalized identities and social rights movements. Unfortunately, many countries still criminalize two-spirit, lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer and other diverse sexual orientations [MA(h|el1] to this day. Others continue to implement discriminatory policies that discriminate and exclude individuals within the LGBTQIA2S+ community. In response, advocates, like Arden Mathieson, have begun working to challenge our societal systems. Arden is a queer lawyer and community organizer from Vancouver, British Columbia. She belongs to the Law Society of British Columbia and the Canadian Bar Association. She founded Queer Cohabs in 2022, an organization that aims to empower two-spirit, lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans & queer folks with legal information.
Arden generously agreed to share her journey with Glow Within, highlighting the importance of social justice and advocacy while also celebrating the LGBTQIA2S+ community.
When did you first realize you identify as queer, and when did you begin telling others?
Sex and bodies were not concepts I was comfortable thinking about, much less talking about, until later in high school. I was a late bloomer from an emotional/psychological point of view. I had boyfriends in middle school and my freshman year—if you could call them that. They were not real relationships. I kind of cringe when I reflect back on that time as I was not being true to myself. I was dating because I felt pressure from my social group, not because I was actually interested in any of those young men.
I first realized I was queer in high school. I have distinct memories of showering after basketball practice and whispering “I’m gay” into the uprising steam. I just wanted to see what those words felt like coming out of my mouth. At the time, home and school were not safe spaces for experimentation. The words did not feel wrong coming out of my mouth, but they did feel scary. I was scared that I would lose my female friends (my only source of support at that time) if I was a lesbian. I was also scared that the bullying I was experiencing at home would get worse. My family members would often use terms like “lezi” or “lezbo” to tease me about my interest in sports and science. I buried my feelings and questions and continued to go along with my understanding of socially acceptable relationships for another ten years.
Throughout my post-secondary education, I focused on my goal of becoming a lawyer. I didn’t have time for relationships. Despite having close friends who were openly living their best queer lives, I was not ready to come out publicly until much later. I had so much internalized shame and fear of abandonment that coming out was not an option. Every once in a while I would kiss a man to prove to myself and others that I was “normal”. I finally came out to myself and decided this whole “gay thing” wasn’t going away in my fourth year of university.
Three years later, the first individuals I came out to were my friends, Emily and Emma, from law school. These were my most trusted friends. We were at a drag show in New Orleans celebrating spring break. The queen on stage asked all the straight girls in the audience to cheer. In what felt like the most terrifying moment of my life—I stayed quiet. Emily and Emma looked at me sort of confused as they were coming to terms with what my silence meant. Immediately, they embraced me with hugs. It was a lovely moment.
The words “I’m gay” didn’t really come out of my mouth until I started dating a woman more seriously for the first time. She wanted to meet my friends and I was finally ready to let my two lives merge. Finally allowing my “gay life” to integrate into my “normal life” was a relief. It was as if a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders and there were no more secrets. My friends and chosen family embraced me with love, curiosity, and acceptance.
It's funny to look back and identify moments where I should have known I was queer but, of course, hindsight is 20/20. I think I am still growing into my identity and learning what it means to be me. The best I can do is be patient with myself and honour my inner child who survived some difficult circumstances.
What are some of the factors behind your decision to be out or not be out with certain individuals?
Physical and emotional safety is my number one concern. Despite all the progress we have made, there are still individuals who actively hate, oppress, and attack the LGBTQIA2S+ community. I do a “vibe check” before coming out to anyone who I assume to be heterosexual or cisgender by dropping little hints and observing how individuals react. It’s a good way to gauge your physical and emotional safety.
What’s your favourite part of Pride month? Are there any events you may be excited for that high school students should check out?
For me, no matter what events I attend, my favourite part of Pride is seeing the diversity of queer and trans love. It's a reminder that there is no “right” way to be gay. It encourages me to keep exploring myself and my community.
High school students should check out the Pride Parade in their city. Most cities also have a Dyke March. I would highly recommend attending a Dyke March because they are typically more intersectional, inclusive, and less corporate than other pride events. Connecting folks with anti-oppression resources is a central role of the Dyke March.
Public libraries also put on incredible educational events during Pride. Education is often the first step in a coming out journey.
What are the best ways you believe allies can show support for individuals in the queer community?
Educate yourself.
Intervene and educate individuals who are saying or doing harmful things.
Listen to queer voices - It's easy to follow and amplify 2SLGBTQ advocates on social media.
Spend your money at queer owned businesses - Instead of buying that pride shirt at Walmart, why not order something original from a creator on Etsy?
When you are eligible to vote, don’t support candidates with homophobic and transphobic platforms and policies.
What inspired you to start Queer Cohabs?
My partner and I were a few months away from becoming common-law spouses. In British Columbia, you become common-law spouses after living with your partner for two years.
Spoiler alert: the common law was not developed to meet the needs of queer relationships.
The rights and responsibilities that flow from being common law spouses do not make sense for a vast majority of queer folks. They actually kind of suck. As a lawyer, I knew we would need a Cohabitation Agreement to protect our relationship.
The average law firm where we live charges anywhere from $4000-$8000 to draft a simple Cohabitation Agreement. My partner and I did not have the funds to pay $4000-$8000 despite both being university graduates with well-paying jobs. If we could not afford a Cohabitation Agreement, I wondered “who could?” There was an obvious need in my community for legal support. I started Queer Cohabs based on my own experience and desire to support folks in the 2SLGBTQ community.
What are some barriers the queer community faces that are not talked about frequently enough?
These barriers include, but are not limited to:
Housing and food security for queer and trans youth with family instability.
Intimate partner violence prevention in 2SLGBTQ relationships.
Access to gender affirming care such as binders, hormones, packers and clothing.
The sexism, racism, ableism and fatphobia we perpetrate in our own community.
Queer Cohabs integrates concepts, such as decolonization, into its work. Why is it so important to take intersectionality and decolonization into consideration when working with the LGBTQIA2S+ community?
Homophobia is a colonial concept. Prior to the arrival of European colonizers, Indigenous communities around the world celebrated gender and sexual diversity. White settler colonialism imported many damaging institutions of power and oppression. To disrupt these systems of power and oppression, we have to uplift and affirm the most marginalized individuals in our community.
There is a common myth that equity is like a pie. Some individuals mistakenly believe that when one person gets a bigger slice of the pie, other folks necessarily receive a smaller slice of the pie. This couldn’t be farther from the truth. Equity is not a pie. When one equity seeking person gets more rights and protections, the world is a better place for all of us.
“Decolonial love is learning to love each other and ourselves without the burden of racism, sexism, transphobia or homophobia. We reject the critiques of love in the helping professions, which includes the idea that love is a practice reserved exclusively for intimate personal relationships, the notion that love is not enough to create real change in the lives of clients, and the fear that love in practice is inappropriate, especially as it perceived as unprofessional.”
Is there anything you’d like to highlight to the Glow Within community specifically toward high school girls?
You have time to figure out who you are. Be patient with yourself and open to new ideas. You do not have to decide anything today. On the flip side, you don’t have to hold on to any identities that are not serving you anymore. Changing your mind is a good thing and your vision of who you are is going to change over time. Mine certainly has!
Thank you Arden for sharing your journey and story with the Glow Within Community. We appreciate the work you and Queer Cohabs is doing, and we know how impactful your organization is for the Queer Community💖
If you would like to further read more about Queer Cohabs and their work, here is their website & instagram:
GROW & GLOW: A series that highlights firsthand accounts, personal experiences, and stories of inspiration from our community and beyond.
Written by Aida Ardelean
